My Child thinks she's fat

By Nicki Anderson
eDiets Guest Columnist

August 11, 2005

Of all the damage that fad diets have incurred, none has been more glaring than the destruction of positive body

image by teens. They have been the recipient of their mother's obsession with fat and Hollywood's obsession with skinny. Neither has served our teens well.

Let's face it: reality is that we have always admired and wanted to look like the rich and famous. After all, they are gorgeous, they are rich, and--gosh--they seem happy. What more could a woman want?

It wasn't until the '80s that looking like a movie star required S2, also known as starvation/surgery. Before the '80s looking like Liza Minelli or Marilyn Monroe simply meant a change in hair color or makeup, all easily remedied once the fascination wore off.

But today it's so much different. The famous women of today are rail thin and perfect, including sparkling white teeth, perky breasts, hoisted derriere and liposuction. How can a teenager possibly compete or fit in if she doesn't fit this ideal?

According to Marla Richmond, author, physiologist and eating disorder expert, "There is a return to the ultra thin look. Hip hugger and midriff styles make thinness a necessity." Because of these fashions and pressures, our teens continue to feel less than adequate; in fact they feel downright ugly and fat!

The real difficulty comes with the mixed messages our teens receive. In one commercial, fast food is consumed by "cool," good-looking kids. In another ad they show rail-thin girls modeling the latest styles in fashion. So what's the message? Eat fast food, stay thin and be popular. How can we raise our girls (and yes even our boys) to focus on healthy living without making it uncool?

How can we help our teens understand that rail thin is a direct result of one of two things--either genetic makeup or a diet that is unhealthy and unrealistic? Expert Richmond says, "Girls need to have control over their body in a healthy way. It's our job as parents and teachers to help them understand what they can and cannot control as well as help them develop a positive attitude about nutrition, metabolism and exercise.

"We need to empower them through possibilities not illusions presented by the media."

Just as we have raised our girls to stand up for their rights and be treated as equals, we need to teach them to appreciate their bodies, and respect their genetic differences; otherwise it will haunt them their entire lives, much like it has haunted many of us baby boomers. I know what you're thinking--once our kids hit the teen years, any amount of knowledge that we as parents may have suddenly disappears. Parents know nothing, right? So what to do? Lead by example, be a great role model. While you're at it, be tenacious with your pursuit of rearing a daughter (or son) that feels great about her (or his) body .

Both adult and teen magazines continue to use the latest anorexic on their cover. As adults, we realize that we can feel sexy and attractive without looking like one of the models, but we also know we'll never look like the image they are projecting.

Our kids on the other hand don't.

They see those magazines and think those bodies are normal and attainable. We all know in our head that these women are paid gazillions of dollars to eat next to nothing. Unfortunately, that's a reality our kids aren't willing to buy into.

Our kids are being socialized to want something that isn't realistic or necessarily healthy. I say necessarily healthy because being fit doesn't necessarily bring about thinness. Fit comes in many different sizes. But we've got to believe that before our kids will.

More often than not, teens will use dramatic tactics to be thin which are NOT healthy. Our teens are taking drastic measures in hopes of achieving something that in the end can be very dangerous. There is a plethora of pills available on the internet that kids are seeking out in an effort to emulate the latest rail-thin model.

I never even thought of myself as overweight when I was a teen until high school. I was walking down the hallway and some guy yelled out, "Hey Bertha!" I was mortified, the veil came off, and I discovered I wasn't the norm and didn't fit in. At that moment I began my rollercoaster ride of diets, binging, and starving myself in an effort to gain what was rightfully mine--a perfect body.

The same scenario holds true for our kids. They want to fit in, to be attractive to the opposite sex, and they will go to great lengths to achieve that goal. Ms. Richmond notes, "Women are socialized to be attractive to the opposite sex. Men, on the other hand, are bombarded with media women who are rail thin and perfectly put together; they seek the same in their partners. Girls in turn spend a lot of time trying to please the male expectation of the 'perfect' girl. This illusion is as unhealthy for our girls as it is our boys."

The combination of peer pressure and the latest cover girl presents a fantasy that is impossible for many girls and the average woman. It's important to note that it's just as dangerous for our teens to be starving themselves as it is to be overeating and inactive. In either case, we need to educate our children about genetics and teach them to focus on their gifts, talents and unique design .

We need to find ways to inform our children about inclusive activity as well as realistic expectations of their body. According to Marla Richmond, M.S., listed below are some red flags that may signal eating disorders or unhealthy perceptions about their body. ---

•  Does your child initiate excessive conversation about diets and fat?

•  Does your child continue to ask questions about diets and nutrition that seem out of the norm?

•  Does your child have a preoccupation with size, frequently making comments about how "fat" she is?

•  Is your child ordering things off the internet? Be aware of what he/she buys. Kids will go to extreme measures to get things they think will melt off the weight or increase muscle size.

•  Is your child drastically changing his/her dietary habits? (Becoming a vegetarian is a popular way your teen can avoid eating without seeming too obvious)?

•  Do you notice unusual behavior in order to avoid eating meals? Along with recognizing the warning signs, there are also things we can do as teachers, parents and mentors to combat their fixation with perfection and unhealthy alternatives:

•  As a woman, talk about your body with pride. Don't say things like, "I'm so fat, I need to lose weight, I wish I looked like... etc."

•  Set health and fitness goals that can include your child. Sign up for a community walking event or work together to train for a triathlon. What may seem impossible can be a wonderful journey in which both of you learn new things about your body's ability and about each other.

•  Keep healthy food in your house and encourage involvement in meal preparation.

•  Talk about the importance of fueling your body with "high octane" vs. "low octane" (junk food).

•  Teach your child to respect his/her body and not use it as a tool for acceptance. Respect of one's self comes from confidence, and we need to do all that we can to promote confidence within our children.

•  Join a health club together or take a martial arts class together.

•  Teach your child that being physically active doesn't mean you have to be competitive or involved in structured sports. Setting personal goals and achieving them can be very rewarding and empowering for your child.

•  Talk to your child, but--most importantly--listen to your child.

Children ask questions to get answers that make sense to them. Parents or teens can read in order to learn more about their bodies and how they work. Knowing how the body operates helps teens make sense of what is dangerous to the body vs. what constitutes healthy habits for healthy living. In addition, this information can empower them and get them on the road to healthy habits. Here is some suggested reading:

•  BodyPride - An action Plan for Teens Seeking Self-Esteem and Building Better Bodies by Cynthia Stamper Graff, Janet Eastman, Mark C. Smith, 1997.

•  Fitness Training For Girls by Katrina Gaede (November 2001)

•  Promoting Teen Health by Sally Champlin (1998)

•  Understanding Weight Loss Programs - Teen Eating Disorder Prevention Book (July 1999)

·            The Physiology Storybook - An Owner's Manual for the Human Body by Marla Richmond, M.S.(2000)

---It seems the bigger our kids get, the bigger the problems. As parents and teachers, we do the best we can to give our kids more than what we had and better than what we had. However, we are coming across issues that our parents didn't have to deal with, so we feel ill equipped.

As with everything, seek out help when you need it and know that your efforts to keep your child healthy will not be an exercise in futility. Though they probably won't thank you until they have kids of their own!

Nicki Anderson is the author of Reality Fitness; Inspiration for Your Health and Well-being. She is also the founder of Nicki Anderson's Real Life Weight Loss system and owner of Reality Fitness in IL. Anderson is the health and fitness columnist for the Daily Herald in Chicago and writer for a number of health and fitness magazines. You can find out more by visiting, www.real-life-weight-loss.com